Watch LOST?

Over the weekend, Andicat and I made discovered this Little known Dharma Initiative training video that explains the Pornographic intentions of the Hanso Foundation. (Includes sample clip from LOST Porn movie, “Arctic Heart, Tropic Loins”)


the basic script:

The Darma foundation is the most elaborate pornography production studio in the world. It was created to cater to one of the most wealthy porn collectors in the world. Alvar Hanso.

To placate his childhood “Fantasy Island” fantasies, this island property was purchased and 2 dozen dwarves were shipped in to film the now infamous “De Plane De Plane.” Orgy series.

Unfortunately, the dwarves staged a rebellion and relocated themselves to the jungles. You can still hear them whispering, on occasion.

The next year we began building the Video outposts such as the one you are in now.

Originally, the outposts were created to effectively capture voyeur-style footage.

Most of the early footage is available on VoyeurDorm under the “Infertile Island Girls Go Wild” menu.

But as Alvar Hanso’s desires grew more …unique, we were required to develop more exotic methods.

As you have been told, you will be a part of the 3rd Series of “Polar Porn.” While the jungle setting is not a specific part of Alvar’s fetish, , we are forced to film on the island Due to oppressive bestiality laws.

All of the polar bears have been tested for STDs and fleas as well as had their claws filed down.

Hopefully you have developed a report with your bear by now, but just in case,
We will drop ship in crate of peanut butter every few days to facilitate your “interactions.”

We hope you get some hot footage to make Alvar Hanso proud…and erect.

Good luck, and Namaste.

  1. #1 written by Tony (CrayolaBoy) February 21st, 2008 at 13:54

    Fucking hilarious. As a “hard-core” Lost fan myself, I loved it.

    RE Q
  2. #2 written by Clintus McGintus February 21st, 2008 at 17:44

    haha Ashley Steel FTW!

    RE Q
  3. #3 written by spotman January 21st, 2009 at 19:00

    I conquer! Fucking Hilarious! Awesome work! Still laughing 🙂

    RE Q