I have been floating for most of 2008.
And although I did feel some anxiety without direction, I did better with the uncertainty than I ever have before.
Normally, in the absence of a strong beacon off in the future, I am tempted to go down well-worn mental roads towards despair.
â€œMy best is behind me.â€
â€œIâ€™m not good enough.â€
â€œI lack purpose.â€
But this year, the temptation to backslide was not so strong.
Partially because I remembered that, a year before, I felt lost, too.
Then the HugMobile idea hit. And the divine unfolding of that adventure was the most dramatic demonstration of serendipity and universal flow Iâ€™ve ever experienced.
So, at least, intellectually, I know that patience and stillness can yield magical fruits.
But I was still tempted to skip SXSW this year because I felt unworthy. â€œIâ€™m no longer on the digital frontier. I no longer lead.â€
But I remembered the feelings of a year before.
So I summoned the courage to be meek.
And I tried to focus on listening.
(Well, I tried.)
And while I may have missed the meek mark, I did find significant inspiration at SXSW. I got some clarity for a presentation/one man show/tent-revival. I started to brainstorm a traveling multimedia love revolution.
And just like that, a new north star was shining in my spiritual sky. A light to paddle towards as I work to re-find the cosmic current.
Alas, as soon as I got home, I got offered a huge corporate video gig.
Huge for me, at least. Enough for me to justify ordering equipment and hiring staff. The project was well outside my comfort zone. But obviously a great opportunity for me.
What to do?
Turn down the gig and paddle towards the North Star?
I decided to take the job.
It felt right.
It felt, not like a diversion, but a training.
Kinda like the old joke about the man on the roof during a flood. He turns down rescue boat after rescue boat that comes to save him, saying, â€œNo thank you. God will save me.â€
The water rises and rises. And eventually he dies.
At the pearly gates God says, â€œWhat the hell is wrong with you!? I sent you 3 boats!!â€
I see this project as a raft. Even if it doesnâ€™t carry me to my final destination, it prepares me for the journey.
Donâ€™t get me wrong. I love my current situation of doing everything myself. And I think Iâ€™ve managed to produce some pretty good stuff for a self-trained dabbler.
But if I could learn how to utilize and manage resources to create truly professional products, that could be incredible!
Stressful and scaryâ€¦but incredible.
I had a pre-production meeting today with my Videographer /assistant editor.
Iâ€™ve never been to a pre-production meeting.
Iâ€™ve never had a videographer.
I was quickly submerged in a world of equipment, guidelines, and technology that I had never been exposed to before.
Part of me was terrified. Another part of me was thrilled.
I donâ€™t *have* to learn how to use all these things. I donâ€™t have to remember all these guidelines.
I just have to learn how to manage talented people.
Vision + Money + talented people = MASSIVE POTENTIAL
This may seem common sense to you. And intellectually, it is to me, too.
But it feels different to me now.
I have a different courage and confidence.
I can do this. With help.
And if I can do this with helpâ€¦ that means â€œweâ€ can do a whole lot more.
Turning the â€œMeâ€ into â€œWeâ€ seems to be a common theme for me lately.
Spiritually, creatively, and professionally.
So even though I am paddling hard right now, it doesnâ€™t feel like it is against the current.
Maybe because it doesnâ€™t feel like Iâ€™m doing it alone.