In light of todayâ€™s â€œFree Breakfast at Dennyâ€™s” Societal breakdown, I wanted to share this story of a Dennyâ€™s visit several years ago:
Last night I had my very first â€œMoons Over My Hammyâ€ from Dennyâ€™s.
Talk about a rite of passage…it was like a grease-drenched Bar Mitzvah for the 21st Century.
I always joke about that particular entreeâ€™s name…. But I had never ordered it. As a person who doesnâ€˜t eat mammals, it â€˜s tough to order food that is centered around ham (or â€œHammyâ€ as the case may be).
But recently I saw someone order it without ham. â€œA Moons Over My Hammy with no Ham!?!? It’s just crazy enough to work!!â€
So I ordered the dish with the silliest nomenclature in the laminated Dennyâ€™s Menu Universe.
And while I love the MOMHâ€™s name, the literary peak of the Dennyâ€™s Menu is under their â€˜Fit Fareâ€™ section. A variation of the Grand Slam breakfast: â€œThe Slim Slam … This ainâ€™t no Flim-Flam!â€
Itâ€™s really a pity the menu doesnâ€™t contain writers credits, because Iâ€™d love to see more of his or her work. â€œSlim Slam: This ainâ€™t no Flim-Flam.â€ Brilliant.
So my â€˜Moons Over My Absence of Hammyâ€™ arrives at the table. Itâ€™s basically a grilled cheese sandwich with eggs in it…. Lots of cheese. Lots of AMERICAN cheese. Apparently the â€œOverâ€ stands for â€œOverdose of Lactose.â€
Now, while weâ€™re on the subject, what is up with American cheese? It is so processed and gross! As an American, Iâ€™m embarrassed. How can I be proud of the Velveeta-inspired atrocity known as â€œAmerican Cheese?â€ In that cultural battle, Iâ€™m gonna award the point to the French. California brags about their cheeses, so does Wisconsin. So, regionally we do okay. But as a country, we suck. â€œ America: Amber Waves of Grain and Suck-Ass Cheese.â€
I couldnâ€™t finish my MOMH. I had a pain in my gut and my arteries started to ache. But as I left Denny â€˜s huddled over like teen whoâ€˜d drunk too much Boone â€˜s Strawberry Hill, I knew that I had become a Man.